Russell Peters is already a comedy superstar in much of the world. A recent one-off appearance at London’s Shaw Theatre sold out in 48 hours and when his first shows in Sydney and Melbourne were announced in May 2006, 10,000 tickets were gone in less than two days with zero advertising. In April 2005, Russell was the first South Asian to headline and sell-out the Apollo Theatre in New York City.
Danny Bhoy began stand up in 1998. A year later, he won The Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award, Britain’s biggest competition for comedy newcomers. In 2001, he took his first full length solo show to the Edinburgh Festival, where, within a week, he had sold out his entire three-week run. The following year Danny returned to Edinburgh with a new show which attracted more and more fans, bowled over by his “razor-sharp mind, and quick-witted one liners.” Over the next few years, Danny eschewed the regular comedy club scene in favour of full length shows, which seemed the natural progression for a comic who began to display an innate talent for story-telling on stage.
I came over a couple of jokes I would like to share with the rest of you. The first one is about beer and the second one about a Irish prostitute. Well, here they are:
Ahhh Guinness
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: “In ‘Strylya, we make The best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate.”
A Darwin Award is a tongue-in-cheek honor named after evolutionary theorist Charles Darwin. “Awards” have been given for people who “do a service to Humanity by removing themselves from the Gene pool”, i.e., lose the ability to reproduce, as early as 1863. It is for people who kill, or in rare cases, sterilize themselves accidentally by attempting to do stupid feats.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, Would-be Robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
Dear Mr. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of Coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an Atomic Bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh my.)
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
This one is circulating on the web, so I thought it would be nice to add it to my site as well. To see pictures of the other two kittens in question … read the whole post.
To all my dearest friends,
I need some help.
My cousin’s cat had kittens and he was able to give away all but 3 of them. I told him I would help him find homes for the last 3. I can’t take one because my son is allergic but if three of you could take just one it would be such a help and the kittens could have a nice home. Since he lives up by the Lake Robinson Nuclear Power Plant, I’ll go pick them up for you.
Jim Carrey has become one of the most recognized faces in the world. It is precisely because of his face that he has achieved fame. His rubbery visage and penchant for wild and extreme behavior has given him a notoriety he delights in. He has developed a repertoire of oddball characters to the pleasure of audiences everywhere. Not everyone is impressed and you’ll find people who are thoroughly anti-Carrey and his style of comedy but the majority has voted him into our lives. His humour is far from high brow, tasteless in many cases, but he aims to amuse and, for most people, he does just that.
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