Russell Peters is already a comedy superstar in much of the world. A recent one-off appearance at London’s Shaw Theatre sold out in 48 hours and when his first shows in Sydney and Melbourne were announced in May 2006, 10,000 tickets were gone in less than two days with zero advertising. In April 2005, Russell was the first South Asian to headline and sell-out the Apollo Theatre in New York City.

Common knowledge decrees that a comedian must have a TV sitcom, a hit movie or a high profile comedy album to succeed, but Russell has built a massive underground following by word of mouth, completely bypassing mainstream media outlets. In June 2007, Russell became the first comedian to sell-out Toronto’s Air Canada Centre – performing for over 30,000 fans over two nights. In addition to this first-time feat, in February 2008, Russell became one of only a handful of comedians to ever headline and sell-out the world famous Madison Square Garden.

For the past few years he’s been selling out theatres and arenas across the US and Canada, all without ever appearing on network television in the United States. His US agents, Creative Artists Agency, calls this phenomenon ‘The Legend Of Russell Peters.’

Russel tells us why chinese and indian people can’t do business together. Also make some jokes about hand signals and other stuff.

Russel advice white parents to start beating their kids so they feel equal in the multi cultural society. If not they will feel like social outcast.

Russel went to South Africa and found some strange things down there involving Indians and slaves.

More Russel Peters videos can be found on: Russel Peters videos on You Tube.

Links of interest: Russel Peters’s own website and
Russel Peters on Wikipedia.

Danny Bhoy began stand up in 1998. A year later, he won The Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award, Britain’s biggest competition for comedy newcomers. In 2001, he took his first full length solo show to the Edinburgh Festival, where, within a week, he had sold out his entire three-week run. The following year Danny returned to Edinburgh with a new show which attracted more and more fans, bowled over by his “razor-sharp mind, and quick-witted one liners.” Over the next few years, Danny eschewed the regular comedy club scene in favour of full length shows, which seemed the natural progression for a comic who began to display an innate talent for story-telling on stage.

“Scotland’s Danny Bhoy is impressive. His simple observations are delivered with hilarious punchlines and he creates a remarkable intimacy with his audience. A must-see.”
The Age, Australia

“his routines have the mark of those which are quoted from, for years to come.”
The Herald, UK

Funny clip where Danny explain the difference between a man from Scotland and Ireland, and tells us how people becomes what they eat for breakfast.

Danny explain to us how the Parlament in Australia works. For those who has not been to Australia, it works almost as in England.

More Danny Bhoy videos can be found on: Danny Bhoy videos on You Tube.

Links of interest: Danny Bhoy’s own website and
Danny Bhoy on Wikipedia.

I came over a couple of jokes I would like to share with the rest of you. The first one is about beer and the second one about a Irish prostitute. Well, here they are:

Ahhh Guinness

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: “In ‘Strylya, we make The best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate.”

Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: “In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, gimme a Bud.”

Hans steps up next: “In Germany ve invented das beer, ferdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist der real King of beers, danke.”

Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: “Barman, would ya give me a diet coke with ice and lemon. Tanks.”

The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over Their faces. Eventually Bruce asks: “Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?”

Paddy replies “Well, if you fookin’ pansies aren’t drinkin’, then neither am!

Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, “Dad….I became a prostitute.”

“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club…. (takes a breath)….and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”

Interrupting her, the Dad asks, “Now what was it ye said ye had become?”

The daughter, crying again,….”A prostitute, Dad!” Sniff, sniff.

“Oh! BeJesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!”

A Darwin Award is a tongue-in-cheek honor named after evolutionary theorist Charles Darwin. “Awards” have been given for people who “do a service to Humanity by removing themselves from the Gene pool”, i.e., lose the ability to reproduce, as early as 1863. It is for people who kill, or in rare cases, sterilize themselves accidentally by attempting to do stupid feats.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, Would-be Robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine And, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car, during a blizzard in Chicago, returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients, he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, Telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious Head wounds received from an oncoming train. When Asked how he Received the Injuries, the lad told police that he Was simply Trying to see how close He could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, Put a $20 bill on the Counter, and asked for change. When the clerk Opened the cash Drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the Cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The Man took the cash From the clerk and fled, Leaving the $20 bill on The counter. The Total amount of cash he got from the drawer…$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty Badly. He decided That he’d just throw a cinder block through a Liquor store window, Grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder Block and heaved It over his head at the window. The cinder block Bounced back and Hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him Unconscious. The Liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The Whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York Convenience store, A man Grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and The woman was able to give them a detailed Description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the Snatcher. They put him In the car and drove back to the store. The thief Was then taken Out of the car and told to stand there for a Positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her that’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a Man walked into A Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., Flashed a gun, and Demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because He said he Couldn’t open the cash register without a food Order. When the man Ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t Available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a Motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick Man curled up next To a Motor home near spilled sewage. A police Spokesman said that The man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and Plugged his siphon Hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the Vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it Was the best Laugh he’d ever had!

Find more on Darwin Awards here: http://www.darwinawards.com

Almost every movie trailer got a voice telling you when you can expect the movie to be at a cinema near you and make you really eager to watch the movie when it’s available. I have surely heard the voice but never really given the voice an extra thought. So it was cool to stumple over this movie clip on You Tube, and learn more about this amazing man who has given the voice to more than 4000 movies.

Press the start button and start smiling, course the reporter made this into a pretty funny thing. If you got any problems with viewing this movie clip, add a comment below and I’ll see if I can help you out.

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.

However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor’s house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of Coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an Atomic Bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh my.)

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(”Honey, I’m home. What the…?!”)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes… lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life… quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm…)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species known to have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

This one is circulating on the web, so I thought it would be nice to add it to my site as well. To see pictures of the other two kittens in question … read the whole post.

To all my dearest friends,

I need some help.

My cousin’s cat had kittens and he was able to give away all but 3 of them. I told him I would help him find homes for the last 3. I can’t take one because my son is allergic but if three of you could take just one it would be such a help and the kittens could have a nice home. Since he lives up by the Lake Robinson Nuclear Power Plant, I’ll go pick them up for you.

I’ve attached pictures of the last 3 kittens.

Will you help?

  

Jim Carrey has become one of the most recognized faces in the world. It is precisely because of his face that he has achieved fame. His rubbery visage and penchant for wild and extreme behavior has given him a notoriety he delights in. He has developed a repertoire of oddball characters to the pleasure of audiences everywhere. Not everyone is impressed and you’ll find people who are thoroughly anti-Carrey and his style of comedy but the majority has voted him into our lives. His humour is far from high brow, tasteless in many cases, but he aims to amuse and, for most people, he does just that.

Born in New Market, Ontario, Canada on January 17th, 1962 to a working class family that never had it easy. Growing up poor was tough for young Jim Carrey. While in his teens he had to take a job as a janitor when his father lost his job. He had to juggle both school and work, school eventually lost out and he dropped out. He describes himself as being very angry at this time in his life yet one good thing came out of it. He developed a tremendous sense of humour to help him cope and to shield his anger from the world. He was a loner who claims he didn’t have any friends because he didn’t want any. Between school and work there just wasn’t much time for a childhood. At 15 though, he had enough time to start performing at Yuk Yuks a famous Toronto comedy club where he began to perfect his shtick. He moved to LA and did the club circuit there. He came to the attention of Rodney Dangerfield and was put on his tour. For many years, he lived in obscurity by starring in some Clint Eastwood movies, and doing impressions in the Comedy Store. In 1987, he got married with Melissa Womer and got a daughter, Jane Carrey. Jim Carrey got his big break in 1990, when he landed a role on the hip new sketch comedy show “In Living Color” which boasted a cast of African-Americans and Carrey, the sole white guy. The show was an extreme show meant to answer SNL’s dominance of late night t.v. variety shows. While there, Carrey perfected many characters, most notoriously “Fire Marshal Bill” who always went up in a blaze. The sketch was yanked when critics claimed that it encouraged kids to play with fire. The controversy put Carrey’s name in the headlines for the first time.

He broke into feature films, and into the collective unconscious of the world, in a single successful year, 1994. It was the Year of the Funny Face. First there was Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, a surprise hit that showcased Carrey’s now signature wacky style. Next came The Mask, a role that seemed tailor-made for him and was a hit with audiences. As if he hadn’t made an impression yet, there was still Dumb and Dumber which was released during the holiday season and ended up on top. Jim Carrey was in the limelight now and he hasn’t looked back since. Since that famous year Carrey has, dare we say it…, slowed down a bit. His films have come out less often but have continued to make waves if not quite of the caliber as previously. There was Batman Forever, in which he inhabited the role of the Riddler. Then there was a sequel to Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls which didn’t quite recapture the sparkle of the original. Next came The Cable Guy, Carrey’s big ticket 20 million dollar film and fell with a quick and resounding thud. The film featured Carrey’s first foray into a more serious type of humour. Audiences were not impressed and it was his first taste of failure. He quickly bounced back though. In 1997 he starred in Liar Liar. The film was a tremendous success with crowds everywhere and put him back on top. It also brought his salary back up 20 million.

The future looks good for Jim Carrey, he has developed a legion of devoted fans who love his wild style of physical comedy. He has done several movies after Liar Liar, such as The Truman Show and Man on the moon, but all of that and future movies you’ll just have to read on some other site. He has proven his ability to weather a storm and come out on top, important for any celebrity. Carrey has come a long way from his unhappy childhood and in fact seems to be living it now. Canada has been producing fine comedic talents for years, and Jim Carrey is definitely the best of the new breed.

There are things that most of human kind have in common. Family, friends, car, house, job. It’s the american way of life that Truman Burbank (geniously played by Jim Carrey) has adopted. That’s also what most of us have in our lives. How would you react when you discover that all of that is fake. Which means you have nothing in life. Except the fact that you are the most popular man in the universe. In other words, you’re a commercial product. That’s one of the visions of our society that The Truman Show wants us to see. The story begins at day 10909 of a live to the world broadcasting soap opera where the star, Truman, doesn’t know he is. We can see that everything (except him) is hollywood fake stuff. Then we discover two obsessions that are in the nature of Truman: His secret love for a high school girl who disappeared in Fiji island, and his passion for travelling and exploring. Unfortunately, that’s not what the creator of the show, Christof (Ed Harris) has planned for the show. That’s why he tries everything make Truman forget his passions. (Some of these scenes includes funny stuff). The fact is that the subtility of the creators is pretty poor. And they also do a lot of mistakes on the set.

This makes Truman starting to doubt about the world around him and developping paranoia (he couldn’t expect how right he is). Ans as the proofs continue to show off in front of him, Truman decides to get away and to go right where his obsessions are. The movie, wonderfully directed by Peter Weir (Death Poets Society) makes us laugh, cry, but most of all, think. Carrey’s character is similar to Tom Hanks’s Forrest Gump. An honest man, with childish reactions and who doesn’t know anything about what’s going on around him. There are a lot of lessons of life in the flick. Maybe even more than the production team expected when they did it. First of all, when you are born to accomplish something and you really want it, nothing (even the biggest storms), nothing can stop you. It shows us also that you cannot control human emotions. Christof wanted Meryl(Laura Linney) to be Truman’s love and created the most similar character for Truman so he can love. Unfortunately, his heart was for another cast member called Sylvia (Natasha McLehone) which wasn’t expected by anyone. Another lesson is in the choice that Truman has to do at the end of the movie. It shows us that nothing (even fake perfection) is as good and exciting as reality…

All those 20th century inventions such as Virtual reality, video games, internet and most of all, television are just a way for people to hide their fear of real life. Why would you play baseball on a Nintendo when you can go with your friends in a field doing a real game? Because most of us are shy, of just don’t want to get up and try. Spending his life in front of a tv set makes you a nobody. It entertains, but you have no life, dude! Anyway, some people also see in The Truman Show a kind of myth where the Christof is a god and Truman his creation. Just like in such famous stories as Frankenstein, we see that when the creator loses the control of his creation (when no more cameras can get Truman), he will try to eleminate it (the weather options). Also the fact that the society are too hungry about other people’s private life. When you look at such publications as The National Enquier of tv’s Entertainment Tonight, you see how crazy we are to consume this. And I am sure there are a lot more meanings in Jim Carrey’s masterpiece, which is also one of the smartest movies that Hollywood ever made… (movie review by: Louis Plamondon )

Year: 1998
Opening week-end: 31,400,000$
Total Box-Office Gross: 109,000,000$
Produced by: Scott Rudin and Andrew Niccol
Co-Starring: Ed Harris, Laura Linney and Noah Emmerich
Directed by: Peter Weir
Studio/Video: Paramount Pictures
Role: Truman Burbank
Salary: 12,000,000$
Time Length: 109 minutes
Mins.Rated: PG