Russell Peters is already a comedy superstar in much of the world. A recent one-off appearance at London’s Shaw Theatre sold out in 48 hours and when his first shows in Sydney and Melbourne were announced in May 2006, 10,000 tickets were gone in less than two days with zero advertising. In April 2005, Russell was the first South Asian to headline and sell-out the Apollo Theatre in New York City.

Common knowledge decrees that a comedian must have a TV sitcom, a hit movie or a high profile comedy album to succeed, but Russell has built a massive underground following by word of mouth, completely bypassing mainstream media outlets. In June 2007, Russell became the first comedian to sell-out Toronto’s Air Canada Centre – performing for over 30,000 fans over two nights. In addition to this first-time feat, in February 2008, Russell became one of only a handful of comedians to ever headline and sell-out the world famous Madison Square Garden.

For the past few years he’s been selling out theatres and arenas across the US and Canada, all without ever appearing on network television in the United States. His US agents, Creative Artists Agency, calls this phenomenon ‘The Legend Of Russell Peters.’

Russel tells us why chinese and indian people can’t do business together. Also make some jokes about hand signals and other stuff.

Russel advice white parents to start beating their kids so they feel equal in the multi cultural society. If not they will feel like social outcast.

Russel went to South Africa and found some strange things down there involving Indians and slaves.

More Russel Peters videos can be found on: Russel Peters videos on You Tube.

Links of interest: Russel Peters’s own website and
Russel Peters on Wikipedia.

Danny Bhoy began stand up in 1998. A year later, he won The Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award, Britain’s biggest competition for comedy newcomers. In 2001, he took his first full length solo show to the Edinburgh Festival, where, within a week, he had sold out his entire three-week run. The following year Danny returned to Edinburgh with a new show which attracted more and more fans, bowled over by his “razor-sharp mind, and quick-witted one liners.” Over the next few years, Danny eschewed the regular comedy club scene in favour of full length shows, which seemed the natural progression for a comic who began to display an innate talent for story-telling on stage.

“Scotland’s Danny Bhoy is impressive. His simple observations are delivered with hilarious punchlines and he creates a remarkable intimacy with his audience. A must-see.”
The Age, Australia

“his routines have the mark of those which are quoted from, for years to come.”
The Herald, UK

Funny clip where Danny explain the difference between a man from Scotland and Ireland, and tells us how people becomes what they eat for breakfast.

Danny explain to us how the Parlament in Australia works. For those who has not been to Australia, it works almost as in England.

More Danny Bhoy videos can be found on: Danny Bhoy videos on You Tube.

Links of interest: Danny Bhoy’s own website and
Danny Bhoy on Wikipedia.

I watched a show on Australian televison this week and heard the song, Dear Mr. President, by the artist Pink for the first time. It is a powerful song that ask the current US President some fundemental questions. He will probably never answer them, and luckily his term is soon up, but I believe its good that artists get involved in the important questions in the way that Pink did.

Some more information about the song from Wikipedia: “Dear Mr. President” is a song by Pink featuring the Indigo Girls, and was recorded for Pink’s fourth album, I’m Not Dead. Pink said that the song is an open letter to the President of the United States, George W. Bush, and that it is one of the most important songs she had written. She stated that it would never be released as a single because it was too important to be perceived as a publicity stunt. It has since been released in Europe, Australia, Canada, and the UK. The video of her performance live from Wembley Arena has also been added to the VH1 line-up of videos.

The song was written by Pink and Billymann. Pink came up with the idea to ask the Indigo Girls to join the recording of the song. According to an interview, they “believe in the song. An open letter to the president, that’s what we needed.” During an interview with an Australian radio station, the Australian girl group Young Divas asked Pink what she was thinking when she wrote “Dear Mr. President”. Pink stated that she wrote the song on Martin Luther King Day in 2005. “I read The New York Times every day, and watch the news. And I was completely disgusted with it. I just felt like….I just needed to write a song.”

When I’m Not Dead was released on April 5, 2006, “Dear Mr. President” attracted considerable attention. Most of the discussion concerned Pink’s statement that the song was intended for United States President George W. Bush. The song’s format is a series of questions for the President, specifically pertaining to how he really feels about controversial issues such as war (”Let me tell you about hard work/Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away”), homosexuality (”What kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?”) –this can also be viewed as Vice President Dick Cheney not accepting gay rights when his own daughter is gay,– The homeless (”What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street”), the Patriot Act (”What kind of father would take his own daughter’s rights away?”) and drug abuse (”You’ve come a long way from whiskey and cocaine”), and asks “when you look in the mirror are you proud?”.

In an interview with MTV News Pink stated she hoped Bush heard the song and that “[he] is proud of the fact that we live in a country where we can do things like that, where we can have dissent, talk, communicate and share our opinions.”

Text source: Wikipedia.com

I am in no way an aspiring chef, but I have always liked to play around with food to see what I can cook up. It normally turns out pretty good if I should say it myself, and I rarely experience any kitchen nightmares. I guess those are the domain of Gordon Ramsey who has become my favourite chef and television personality. Should you have lived in a cave the past years, this is who Gordon Ramsey is:

Gordon James Ramsay, OBE (born November 8, 1966 in Johnstone, Scotland) is a Scottish chef, television personality and entrepreneur. He has been awarded a total of twelve Michelin stars, and as of April 2008 is one of only three chefs in the UK whose restaurant is rated at three Michelin stars. He is famous in the UK for presenting TV programmes about competitive cookery and food such as Hell’s Kitchen and The F-Word. He is best known in the United States as the host of FOX’s Hell’s Kitchen, which premiered in May 2005, and of Kitchen Nightmares, which premiered in September 2007, based on his successful British show Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares.

In a ddition tto this he is probably best know for using the F-Word several times during his television shows, I believe it has been counted that he used it more than 50 times during a 60 minute television program. Do not let that put you of, the guy is simply brilliant in what he does.

I found a video clip on You Tube from when he went to Norway (my native country), did a dive to catch a kingcrab and then cooked it on the spot. Here it is:

You can find both Hell’s Kitchen (the US version is better than the UK version), Kitchen Nightmares, The F-Word and several videos with great cooking tips on You Tube. just do a search fro it and get hooked. He has also written several great cookery books and made several DVD’s that can be bought from a bookstore og E-bay.

Sources used: Wikipedia.com.

I had the pleasure of meeting Sarah Porter, who is a journalist for The Jakarta Post, when I worked as Dive Resort Manager for Bastianos Dive Resorts in Indonesia. She arrived at the dive resort with two friends who decided to do their PADI Open Water Diver course with me, while Sarah tagged along on our training dives.

We had lots of fun during the course and saw loads of exciting marine life. They left as a happy bunch after their course was done and I went on with my work. A while later I discovered that I was mentioned in The Jakarta Post, as Sarah had written an article about the experience! So here it is:

Tucked away on a treasured island

Features - January 13, 2008

An unforgettable holiday in Indonesia needs nothing more than a still volcano, a village disco, internationally recognized tropical reefs and a pack of playing cards. Sarah Porter reports from Pulau Bunaken, North Sulawesi.

The sound of the old boat’s engine churned and groaned, sending gentle vibrations through the bow’s crackling timber planks, where six of us lay like lazy lizards under a sun we hadn’t seen or felt for far too long.

The office and work stresses of Jakarta were moving behind us and our holiday had begun. The slap of the Sulawesi Sea against the boat’s hull was inviting us to disappear.

No one stayed below deck. The view north already held a spectacular promise; yet another of Indonesia’s awesome old volcanoes, Manado Tua, was already in full sight.

For some, the one-hour boat trip to Pulau Bunaken — Bunaken Island — from North Sulawesi’s capital Manado was filled with a mixture of fear and dread, excitement and nerves. This holiday would see us take that plunge and learn to scuba dive.

For others, it was a break to heal pollution-locked Jakartan lungs, to get away from the city’s traffic and noise, and to feel the sun against a bit of naked skin.

A few on board had dived before and would again at Bunaken. Others had no intention of testing potential claustrophobic tendencies and were armed with nothing more than suntan lotion and a book.

The snorkeling and dive base we were headed for, Bunaken Island, is just one of the tropical treasures that make up Bunaken National Marine Park, and is ranked among the world’s top 10 spots to dive. But there would be something for everyone, we had been promised.

The park has an ecosystem and marine life second to none in Indonesia and an underwater world that is allegedly one of the best the earth has to offer.

The official tourism website for North Sulawesi says the park covers a total surface area of 89,065 hectares, 97 percent of which is underwater. The rest is made up of five islands including Siladen, Bunaken, Mantehage, Nain and Manado Tua, the old and apparently haunted volcano.

It also boasts Indonesia’s flagship environmental program. Positive efforts to stop illegal fishing (including the use of bombing and cyanide) and prevent destruction of precious coral reefs are in part thanks to funds from a tourist entrance fee, collected and managed by the North Sulawesi Watersports Association.

The association works with the some 30 villages in the national park, interested parties and government agencies to help fund programs run by the Marine Environmental Education Center on Bunaken Island.

For tourists wanting to know where their national park entrance fee goes, unlike so much of the archipelago’s administration efforts, official reports suggest environmental activities and educational programs are making a difference — because the money is actually being reaching its intended destination.

In 2006, gold mine operators succumbed to pressure from activists and the local community and reversed a decision to dump waste into the sea between the national park and the Lembeh Strait.

North Sulawesi’s children are being educated on the importance of sustaining their coral surrounds, and in 2007, a turtle hatchery was established on a section of the national park’s beach where turtles come ashore to lay their eggs.

Unfortunately, the rubbish that makes its way from Manado to the national park and beyond is nothing less than unforgivable and the regular water shortages where we stayed at Bastianos Dive Resort on the southern side of Bunaken Island were reportedly a reflection of poor water management across the park.

But at the time of our visit, the country was suffering a drought and at least one of the staff at Bastianos told me he had made himself unpopular by insisting on better water management practices across the island — and that his efforts alone were working.

Despite everything there is to read and hear about this far northern tip of Indonesia — brooding volcanoes, untouched hinterlands, white sands and tropically blue waters — our arrival to the shores of Bunaken took us a little by surprise.

Having only ever completed a fun dive in Australia and on the Great Barrier Reef, I immediately wanted to find out how far away from the resort we would travel the next day for our first PADI lesson.

The spot we’d booked didn’t look all that spectacular, the beach was covered in rubbish, the tide was out, the mangroves looked sick and the water murky.

Dogs and campfires were visible only a few kilometers up the beach and kids were running around the not-so-pretty-sand playing with broken fishing nets and old tires.

The dive boats I could see anchored just off the beach were open timber vessels in desperate need of a paint job and I wasn’t the only one looking sideways to see if we had come to the right spot.

This place is famous, though, we said to one another. The Lonely Planet and every other publication we’d referred to couldn’t have it all wrong?

But Bastianos Dive Resort doesn’t advertise itself as a five-star beach holiday destination, and a couple of accommodation spots on the island actually turn away non-divers.

The island is not a tropical getaway to come to laze on the beach, drink cocktails and hope for something other than ridiculously unorganized food and beverage service.

The real surprises — and what we will all go back for — are hidden away and underwater, just like everyone said.

They are to be found climbing up the old volcano, trekking across to the other side of the island and getting lost, invitations to village discos, strange ojek adventures, incredible night sky views, boat trips for hours across to other islands, and wonderful, wonderful nights with a deck of cards, a new game, and some self-sung music.

Complimented of course by a few warm Bintangs.

Apart from our diving adventures and shared stories of resplendent walls of coral, unbelievably alive and with every inch moving — a near fatal sea adventure to seek-out neighboring Siladen Island and its new-ish five-star resort, was a stand-out adventure for us all.

Climbing aboard from Bunaken, cameras in hand, and excited for an adventure, none of us were to know one of the very worn timber boats we’d hired for our Bunaken-Siladen excursion was about to break down, in the middle of the deep dark sea.

But the very fluorescent phosphorous in the water and the view of the old volcano as the sun set itself across a haunting open sea, are scenes and memories difficult to disregard. Even if a few of us will never go to sea again.

Fellow travelers Yousuf Rangoonwal and Timo Thoennissen say they’ll also never forget almost falling off the top of the magnificent Manado Tua.

Their wet ascent one day included coming across wild boars (they think), fresh coconut milk and machete-proof coppice.

Their accidental ojek driver informed and warned them the volcano island was haunted and that by climbing it they would become sacrificial offerings, alive or dead. Both men today say they believe this now to be almost true.

And Australian Sean Stratton and Marco Fischer from Switzerland reportedly received numerous marriage proposals, friendliness to-boot, and palm wine hangovers, after an evening visit to Bunaken’s local village and annual street disco. Their story we’re all quite sure has some missing parts — and their photographs of crowding villagers, untouched beaches and unthinkable snorkeling left us wanting to know more.

But while others were falling off tops of mountains and losing themselves to the locals, beginner divers Sandra Furh, Daniel Schmidt and I completed our PADI open water certificate, passed our exam and saw our very first turtle underwater. I’ve not a clue of the names of all the fish we saw or of how Mother Nature dreamed of creating such an underwater world. Learning to dive for me was more than learning to breathe again, it was being put inside a fairy tail.

The highlights are too many, but our ever-so-patient Norwegian instructor Sean Nordbo said we were lucky to have come so close to a turtle he guessed was more than 100 years old.

The ancient sea-dweller’s shell alone was magnificent, and as I looked up to make sure the others were watching, and could see him, I wondered what he would say to us, if he had the chance.

Then as he slowly turned away, magically moving his flippers as if in flight, incredibly, I’m pretty sure, he gently smiled, and asked us to come back one day.

Finding Nemo, now, has nothing.

As a beginner diver, don’t go anywhere else than Bunaken Island. And do stay at Bastianos. The diving teachers and assistants were all wonderfully patient and absolutely committed to ensuring we learned to dive the right way — without a hangover, safely and with the most respect for our surroundings.

At the time of our holiday, Bastianos Dive Resort, telephone +62 431 853566, was charging US$22 per night accommodation for divers and a little extra for non-divers.

The open water dive course, a PADI certificate, was $350, and they charged $50 for PADI’s manual, which is useful, and helps you avoid drowning.

But send them an email for further up-to-date information and prices: info@bastianos.com.

Flying to Manado is possible from Singapore, the Philippines, Jakarta, Surabaya and Bali. Getting out to Bunaken Island from an overnight stop at Manado involved calling Bastianos and asking for help. They organized the lot.

Fancy seeing Bangkok, land of crazy traffic, on a bike by night?

When I first heard that Grasshopper Adventures was running a Bangkok Bike Tour, I thought it was a joke. It’s hard enough to cross the road by foot, let alone roll about by pedal power. And then I discovered they also run the tour at night, and I thought for sure these guys are crazy - and I signed up right away.

All good inventions take a while to catch on, but for the brilliance behind designing this cycling tour in Bangkok was to keep the bikes off the road and in the back streets.

“Every day, I used to ride to work along the canals and footpaths, and I never had to worry about being run over by a tuk-tuk,” says Ae Thagoon, who runs the tours for Grasshopper Adventures.

The rides are available any day of the week and are guaranteed to run even if there’s only one customer. Tours begin a few streets back from Khao San Road, in an area of Banglamphoo that is popular with locals for its markets and temples. It is easy to get there by land or water.

We get on our bikes just before the sun goes down, so we can get familiar with the gear before darkness sets in. The path ahead is completely flat. so there’s no need to work the gears to hard, but the brakes are an essential element for a safe ride.

Once you know you can pull up in an instant, it is easier to wander about with a little of confidence. For day trips, the level of skill required to get around town is very low. You don’t have to be Lance Armstrong to do the tour - all you need is good balance on the bike and be prepared to take it slow when the path gets narrow.

The itinerary is as much about stopping to enjoy the highlights as it is the riding. Entering the grounds of Wat Po at night reveals a new world of peace and tranquility that would be hard to imagine during daytime when thousands of visitors ramble past the temples. The soft glow of floodlights bounces of the stupas. You can’t visit the reclining Buddha at this hour or the night, but the smell of incense still wafts through the air to remind you that this is a living place of worship.

Wat Po and Wat Arun are the starts of this journey, but the smaller temples in minor streets are equally entrancing. Bangkok is filled to the brim with Buddhist devotion, which is one reason the people in the city are so nice. Every community has its own temple, a central point for the gathering of harmony and kindness. When you have the time to explore these lesser known locations, you will get a different feel for the city.

A certain charm
Grubby tuk-tuks and epileptic taxi drivers are not what Bangkok is about - it’s the generations of families living together in small homes along rivers and streets that define the city’s charm. Typical of any Asian city, the “charm” does tend to spill onto the street, and as we ride through cloistered neighborhoods, we encounter the hazards of low-hung laundry, cooking over the hot coals and children inventing new ball games.

The sudden arrival of cyclists and flashing lights cause a stir with the kids, and they pop out of the darkness to wave and scream in excitement. Even the grandmothers get a little overwhelmed sometimes, and they too give a grin and a chuckle.

Bangkok is a city of canals and klongs that form a network of waterways feeding off the Chao Phraya River. This is where much of the city’s life takes place. The footpaths and lanes that connect the klongs to major thoroughfares are not very wide, which make them ideal for cyclists. It’s these smaller streets that make Bangkok such a great place for two-wheeled transportations.

Paths along the bike rise not only get narrow, but they can also look a little wet at times. One section that follows the klong for several hundred meters suddenly does a left turn and heads out across the water. This trail that leads away from terra firma is a little mysterious in the dark, but it eventually returns back to the river banks.

Locals to Bangkok like Ae Thagoon would not dream of taking a taxi or bus to get across town. They are not trying to be eco-friendly, they just know how simple it is to grab a bike and head into the backstreets. In the absence of traffic lights and traffic jams, the distance from one side of town to the other seems small. And you don’t have to race along at breakneck speed either. A gentle pace gets you around in very little time.

The duration of a tour depends on your group and how long you want to stay and play at the temples and markets. Day-trippers may find themselves engrossed in smaller markets across the river in Thonburi, while the night-riders can get easily distracted by the variety of street eats on offer.

Two-wheeled adventures in Bangkok are not merely a way to see the city, but they give you the rare chance to experience life through the eyes of local folks.

Facts:
Grasshopper Adventures offers half-day bike tours around Bangkok on any day of the week for just 1000 Thai Baht, and the three-to-four-hour night ride for 1100 Thai Baht. Book online at www.grasshopperadventures.com or call telephone +66 (0)87 929 5208.

For 120 years it’s been the preferred lodging for film stars, writers, loyalty and politicians but Raffles Hotel Singapore began life as a 10-bedroom bungalow.

When Tigran Sarkies migrated to Malaysia from Armenia in the early 1880s, he hoped to prosper from the business opportunities the Orient had to offer. The 23-year-old bought a large home in Georgetown, Penang, in north-west Malaysia and by 1884, he had turned it into the Eastern Hotel.

Tigran’s brother Martin, 33, joined him in buying a second site, also in Georgetown, and in 1885, the Oriental Hotel opened for business. Younger brothers Aviet and Arshak joined the venture and the Sarkies became renowned as successful hoteliers with ambitions to expand. But Penang was too small a market, so they began casting an eye further afield in Singapore.

The brothers knew they’d struck gold when they found a large bungalow on the corner of Beach and Bras Basah roads. The property had been a boarding house for the Raffles Institution (a boys school named after Sir Stamford Raffles, a British colonial officer who founded modern Singapore in 1819). It needed minor alterations and in December 1887, the Raffles Hotel was opened. It had only 10 rooms but in six years two new wings were added.

Demand for luxury hotels was growing, however, so in 1897, Tigran announced plans for extensive and elaborate additions to create “of of the handsomest hotels in the East”. Renowned architect Regent Alfred John Bidwell replaced the old central block with a grand three-storey building in the Renaissance style, which opened in 1899. It featured a Carrara marble floor, a 500-seat dining room, 100 suits, and the huge veranda so closely associated with the hotel today.

FAST FACTS

1910 - 1915 Raffles bartender Ngiam Tong Boon invents the Singapore Sling cocktail (the exact year is unknown).

1942 Japan occupies Singapore during World War II and Raffles is renamed Syonan Ryokan (Singapore Inn). When Allied forces liberate the nation, more than 300 Japanese troops commit suicide inside the hotel.

1987 The Singapore Government declares the hotel a national monument.

2008 Eight Raffles hotels and resorts operate internationally - in Singapore, Siem Reap, Phnom Penh, Beijing, Dubai, Los Angeles, The Grenadines and Paris - and 13 more are in development.

1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about god blood flow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don’t care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li’l guy.

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskin of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters.

3. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they’d make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.

4. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That’s Greek for “amazing swimmer with large penis”. Which supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.

5. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled towards the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained…. Okay, I’ll shut up now.

6. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It’s estimated, however, that all 400 have given their best shot at some point.

7. There are two types of penises . One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect ( a grower ). The other appear big most of the times, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection ( a show-er ). An international Men’s Health survey reports that 79 per cent of men has growers , 21 per cent has show-ers. Presumably, the second sort get the girls but the first sort make them happier.

8. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?

9. The penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between 1770 and 1784 - that’s about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: it’s good to be king.

10. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average and lousy sperm - and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

11. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.

Taking a ferry from Singapore to the island of Bintan, Indonesia for a relaxing break.

Being a stone’s throw from Singapore those who are time-starved can get some R&R just 55 minutes away by ferry. Bintan Island, Indonesia, offers all the beachside appeal of Singapore without the stress.

Bintan is just 40 kilometers from Singapore and is the largest of the Riau Islands. Tanjung Pinang, the Riau capital, is located at the south-western tip of Bintan. While its sister island Batam has developed into an industrial town with substantial Singaporean investments, Bintan has become the resort playground of the Riau Islands and is a favourite among Singaporeans.

Bintan is blessed with beautiful white beaches and year-around tropical weather. Take a South Bintan tour that brings you to the heart of this island that is Tanjung Pinang, Senggarang and Pulau Penyengat. Explore Tanjung Pinang’s fish and fruit markets; seasoned Singaporeans often haul home snacks and condiments by the truckloads.

Architecturally, Bintan is rich with heritage sites, clustered in Pulau Penyengat, centre of the Malay Riau-Lingga empire. These include an old Dutch fort built in the 18th century and the Sultan of Riau Grand Mosque which is believed to have been built with egg white!

Although Bintan, being part of Indonesia, is a Muslim island, Senggarang is a Chinese fishing settlement and filled with centuries-old Buddhist temples, making it a popular pilgrimage site.

Visitors can even opt for trendy eco tours. Explore a traditional Indonesian kampung (village) and watch how they weave pandan leaves and tap trees for rubber.

The big bintan outdoors
Bintan is built for the sporty traveler. Gunung Bintan is situated at 340 meters, the highest point in all of Riau. Once an active volcano, it’s now called a mountain and a must-trek for the outdoorsy visitor.

Lagoi Park and Reservoir is a large (14,7 square kilometers) reservoir that supplies potable water to all the island’s resorts, and is open to kayak enthusiasts.

For company outings, Bintan offers a menu of corporate training activities. Paintball is a big favourite, with companies playing out scenarios of team rescue and hostage situations.

For a more edgy team-building exercise, there is the Adventure Training Centre. Teams climb up a tower using tight-ropes and rickety ladders. Fastest team to make it to the top (and over the only way down is by flying fox) wins. It is unnerving stuff that is meant to emotionally glue you to your workmates. That may or may not work, but the exercise is definitely fun.

All-in-one-holiday
On Bintan Island, there are plenty of hotels to stay at - Mana Mana Beach Club is the choice of backpackers and swinging singles; Angsana Resort and Spa Bintan for girlfriends who prioritise their spa treatments; and luxury hotel Banyan Tree for canoodling couples.

For the family (or families) with multiple kids and maybe even grandparents, nothing beats Bintan Lagoon Resort. This resort is also a favourite with corporations due to its sheer size.

Bintan Lagoon is the largest resort on Bintan Island, covering over 300 hectares of ground, much of which faces the tranquil South China Sea. There are 473 rooms, suits and villas, all tastefully done up in a modern Balinese style.

The Foral Suites are built for honeymooning couples, with a jacuzzi and private sundeck, while the Forest Suits offer separate living areas for parents and an adjoining suite for two children.

For VIPs, there are two huge suits - the Indraloka and Swargaloka, which come with separate living areas, sofa lounges and executive club access.

Private villa
The best options for families is the villa. There are three types which vary in size and view, and all are equipped with a kitchen and BBQ facilities. The largest of these, the Angsoka villa offers plenty of creature comforts. Watch DVDs indoor all day or dip in the private pool in the back garden. The villas are located a few minutes away from the main hotel, so every villa is equipped with a golf buggy so you can get to the big pool or restaurants for meal.

If you’d rather have your food come to you, full-service in-room BBQ dining is available. For SGD 200, there is enough food for 10 adults. A professional “BBQer” will do the grilling for you.

At the resort, two grand pools, including one with a waterslide, are guaranteed to keep your kids busy for hours. The beach is just a minute away - relax with a book and gaze at the clear horizon.

The resort also offers activities in the unlikely event guests get bored: Archery, all-terrain vehicles, beach volleyball, go-carting, petanque, elephant rides, laserquests as well as seasports such as snorkeling, scuba-diving and jet ski. or just enjoy a massage in the privacy of your own villa or a sala by the beach.

Dinner at Nelayan, the beachside restaurant, is highly recommended. Take your pick from a huge spread of fresh seafood - snapper, prawn, lobster - or sirloin steaks for meat eaters. Your selection is freshly grilled and served with a buffet of salads, starches and dessert.

Work of all that food in the championship 18-hole golf courses. Both are designed by golf legends, Jack Nicklaus and Ian Baker-Finsh. Each offer different terrain, landscapes and water hazards to challenge golfers of all standards.

Where to stay:
Bintan Lagoon Resort
Jalan Indera Segara, Bintan Utara,
Lagoi, Riau, Indonesia

Telephone: +62 (0) 770 691388 (Indonesia)
or: +65 6750 2280 (Singapore)

Things to do:
BRC Nature and Heritage Tours
Telephone: +62 (0) 770 692092 (Indonesia)

Every time I go for a beauty treatment here in Thailand, I get spanked.

The other day I went for a pedicure and the woman bent my toes back in a most unnatural fashion, then punched and spanked the bottoms of my feet. Okay, okay, I’ll give you a tip!

It was the same going in for a wash, spank and blow-dry. These ladies at the beauty parlour are from the shampoo-rinse-repeat school of hair massage. Just when you think you’ve made it through the rinse cycle and are starting to enjoy the fluff dry, brace yourself Effie. Spank, spank.

If you have been in Thailand for more than twenty minutes, no doubt you have experienced the famous Thai massage. This isn’t a slippery, relax-among-clouds-of-aroma-therapy kind of massage (although you can get that here, too - you can get anything, darling, for a price). Thai massage is athletic, the Kung Fu of massage therapy. When you finally surrender to having your masseuse knead, push and pull your appendages like Mr. Gumby, it does feel rather good. Surrender is the key. Resist and something just might snap.

After an hour of push-me-pull-me, you start to feel somewhat friendly towards the smiling man or woman who laughs at your yelps and groans. This is fun, right? Then, when you are completely relaxed — or exhausted — with just five minutes left in your session, they bring it on: The Spanking.

Sometimes it is a cupped hand clap-smack; sometimes a pinch-pull, snap-spank, but they all do it — all the while wearing their patriotic Land of Smiles grin.

Never having experienced the rigors of Catholic school, and the attendant perversions of such a religious upbringing, I have yet to embrace smacking as a fun way to spend an evening with a stranger. However, this, well, fetishism — what would you call it? This stinging lust for abrupt contact of flesh-upon-flesh seems rampant across the land. I had to get to the bottom of it.

At first, I took it rather personally. It’s because I am an European, isn’t it? It’s an authority issue. Let me go on record right now and just say it: I did not vote for that guy in office nor his father! Actually, if it pleases the court, let the record show: Most Americans did not, either.

I tried a little beauty parlor espionage. When they asked, “Are you Australian?” I just smiled and tried to look even blonder. Still, I got a spanking. The retaliation against Europeans theory is out. Then, I had a L’Oreal moment: Oh please don’t hate me because I’m beautiful — and rich, too. Wrong again.

Even the German relic past the expiration date in the stall next to me got spanked. And she liked it.
It got me wondering: Were all these manicurists, beauticians and masseurs trained by Evil David? Simply a surplus of underemployed dominatrixes with their fetish-wear at the cleaners? The answer again, no.

Empirical evidence, I saw this for myself: Thais even spank other Thais.

Turns out this “therapy” (feels like a spank to me) is supposed to be good for you. No, not for strengthening one’s moral character. It is supposed stimulate circulation. You would think with the amount of chillies and other hot Thai spices that the circulation would have no trouble getting around on its own.

“Very good for blood,” assured my masseur, Tong.

Okay, maybe on the back and other, uh, large muscle masses, I can understand that. What about spanking on the scalp?

“Very good for hair,” Tong says. “Makes hair grow.”

What about the feet? Does spanking make feet grow? “Good for relaxation,” Tong reassures me. Yes, Tong is right. It feels so good when he stops.