Aaaah Guinness
Tuesday, 4 Dec 2007 22:13
I came over a couple of jokes I would like to share with the rest of you. The first one is about beer and the second one about a Irish prostitute. Well, here they are:
Ahhh Guinness
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: “In ‘Strylya, we make The best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate.”
Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: “In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, gimme a Bud.”
Hans steps up next: “In Germany ve invented das beer, ferdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist der real King of beers, danke.”
Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: “Barman, would ya give me a diet coke with ice and lemon. Tanks.”
The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over Their faces. Eventually Bruce asks: “Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?”
Paddy replies “Well, if you fookin’ pansies aren’t drinkin’, then neither am!
Irish Prostitute
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Dad….I became a prostitute.”
“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club…. (takes a breath)….and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”
Interrupting her, the Dad asks, “Now what was it ye said ye had become?”
The daughter, crying again,….”A prostitute, Dad!” Sniff, sniff.
“Oh! BeJesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!”
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